Or lack thereof!!!
The 1984 Brewers were just 2 years removed from two straight playoff appearances including an AL Championship in 1982. I grew up with Milwaukee as an AL team but now its seems a little odd. The 84 team was terrible, winning just 67 games. Their pitching staff included 2 HOFers. They just happened to be near the end of their impressive careers. But this post is not about how bad the staff was at pitching, its about how bad they were at grooming themselves.
Rollie Fingers was one of the first great closers. He saved 37 games in 1978 with the Padres and saves weren't even cool back then. Fingers was still pretty great in 1984. He saved 23 games with a tidy 1.96 ERA. And his 'stache was even better. Look at the curve. The left side of his hair was getting out of hand but the handle-bars were perfect. Rollie can be seen every year hitting homeruns in the All-Star celebrity softball game.
Jaime Cocanower led the Brewers in loses with 16. He would only last 4 seasons even after a dominating debut in 1983. He sported the fro, tucked neatly into his Brewers hat. Can I just say that the Brewers have the coolest logo in all of baseball. It's an M and a B that go together to form a baseball glove. BRILLIANT!
Tom Tellmann 1-uped Cocanower by one in years in the Majors. He wasn't too bad. But that's all I got on Tellmann's career. He also 1-uped Cocanower by adding the 'stache to the afro. NICE!Pete Ladd pitched for 6 years. He only played 1 year in the NL and batted .000, going 0 for 1 in his career. But the winged locks and the red-tinted mustache make up for any defeciences at the plate. Peter was a fine looking man.
Willie Lozado wasn't a pitcher, but he had to represent the latino version of the fro/'stache combo made so famous by Cocanower and Ladd. Lozado had an average major league bat but didn't field well. 1984 was his only taste of that powder blue Brewer polyester.
Bob McClure stuck around the big leagues for 19 seasons. He almost didn't make it through the 84 season until he reluctantly agreed to grow that soul patch. No self respecting Brewer pitcher would be clean-cut and only have a regular mustache.
One might ask why the same rules didn't apply to Mike Caldwell. There are two reasons:
1. Caldwell is from my hometown, Tarboro. NC. Even though Tarboro has had several players make the NFL, there is still a sign that reads: Welcome to Tarboro. Home of Mike Caldwell.
2. Check out the chest hair and gold chain.
Caldwell was great in 1978, finishing 2nd behind Guidry in Cy Young voting. He also won 2 games in the 1982 World Series.
Don Sutton bookends this bunch with yet another HOFer. He is pictured here, expertly drawn by Dick Perez, with Princess Leia hair. Sutton won over 300 games and amassed over 3500 k's in his career. He did color commentary for TBS until 2006. Now you can see him do Nationals games if your cable company allows you to watch MASN.
Here are the Stats on the Back for all you nutty Brewers fans:
I hope you enjoyed this raggedy version of Milwaukee's best. The current Brew Crew has hit a snag as of late. They have lost 7 of 9 and Prince took a swipe at Parra in the dugout yesterday. It's too bad CC and Sheets can't pitch everyday. I have nothing against the Brewers, but if they fall off enough to help my Mets win a wildcard, that would be OK with me.
Next Up: Fernandomania!